Being Misunderstood

                                                                                                                                                              
                                                                                                                                                              
                                                                                                                                                              

Nothing infuriates me more than being misunderstood.

I know that "understanding" is the other person's job.  If I say what I mean as clearly as I can, that's all that I can do, or be expected to do.  I can't "understand" for someone else.  

My problem (and it is my problem) is thinking that if I explain things again, in a slightly different way, the person I'm talking to will be able to "get it."  And if they don't, maybe another try, from a different angle, will get across to them what I'm saying.  In library-school terms, I tend to "re-package" information to make it "accessible" to the "consumer."

But I know that amounts to trying to make another person understand, which isn't in my control.  And it always has something of manipulation to it, when you try to make another person's cognitive processes work the way you want them to.

That kind of "manipulation" isn't always a bad thing.  Anyone who teaches (formally or informally) is manipulating another person's cognitive processes, to a desired end.  It's the process we call "learning," and human society could not exist without it.

And anyone who has ever tried to teach another person something, formally or informally, knows that there are people who simply don't will to, or even consciously will NOT to, learn.  Many times the frustration of talking to people who "don't get it" is that they clearly don't want to understand, or want to "understand" only in their own terms.

Yesterday in Sunday School we were talking (after watching a rather "pious," in the not-best sense, Max Lucado film about the resurrection) about forgiveness.  That isn't it wonderful God forgives us; and doesn't He command us to forgive each other; and how many times did Jesus say we should forgive others ?

My thought was that forgiving people who do wrong is one thing: but that there are people who are wrong.  That forgiveness is redemptive toward those who recognize right and wrong, and can see that they've done wrong; but wasted toward those who vest their identity in wrong character.

In John 8 Jesus confronted some of "...those...who had believed Him," telling them they were children of the devil, because they wanted to lie and murder, just like their father.  In II Thessalonians 2 God says He eventually writes off those who persist in refusing to "...receive the love of the truth so as to be saved:" and at that point Himself sends them a "deluding influence" ("strong delusion," KJV) so they will believe a lie.  

Obviously none of us manifest Jesus' "seamless" Character (Lucado talked at great length about how Jesus' seamless garment was like His Character)...but people unmistakably show what they are by whether they love truth, or love lies.

One gal in the class disagreed, as she has before, by saying people had certainly fooled her before.  Which is true, for any of us.  People have certainly fooled me before.

But it seemed to miss my point, which was that everyone is unmistakably of one character or the other.  The way God sees it is that human beings are either of the spirit of truth, or that of lies.  We have to say God sees it rightly...and we have to see it the way He does.  That simple.

It also seems simple to do.  We have the Holy Spirit, Whom Jesus called "the Spirit of Truth:" we only need to listen to Him to see it as God sees it.  And to hear what He says, we only need to ask Him.

What I replied to my sister was something like "The Holy Spirit doesn't get fooled."  I didn't mean it that way, but thought later she may have taken that as a put-down: that she wasn't spiritual enough.  She may have even taken it as "I'm spiritual, and you're not," and been offended.  I don't know.

I doubt she's one of those people who choose to misunderstand, because they don't want to hear what you're saying: but I think she misunderstood.  She was talking about person-to-person perception, and I wasn't.  There can only be understanding when two people are talking about the same thing.

Nonetheless, it was frustrating to be misunderstood.  Quite apart from the fact I felt like I was saying something important about how God sees things, and how we must see things, it was frustrating on a person-to-person level.

Frustrating that I said what I meant as clearly as I could, and it evidently didn't get across to people.  Frustrating that people will "understand" my words the way they choose to, and I can't do anything about it.

Frustrating that my sister may have been offended because of the way she "understood" my words, and if so, there's nothing I can do about that either.  If offended, I hope she'll remember that our context was God's command we forgive each other.